I needed to face facts, to admit it. I’ve been in an awful funk lately. My move has not been the carefree experience I thought it would be. I mean, come on! Who wouldn’t assume that? Leaving the big, bad city, the stress-fueled jobs, the politics of every day life. Getting away from addictions and happy hours and large quantities of people who would simply rather not be bothered, no matter how close you consider them as friends. It seemed like moving was just the ticket. My mom has always called me a ‘runner’ after all. Get a new roommate, a new community, a new job, a new outlook – isn’t that how it’s supposed to work? It’s succeeded before. This time, though, as much as I’ve met some great people and have finally found a job, the move is just not working the way it was supposed to.
It’s time for drastic action.
I admitted the funk and yesterday I drove 300+ miles, chased down the east coast by heat lightning, Paramore & Lady Gaga mix tapes to keep me company. The top was down, the sun was setting, and I was free. This freedom? Exactly what I want in this world. I’ve been fighting Limbo for so long that I’m tired of the constant battle; I’d forgotten that the girl I used to be was one who embraced Limbo. I reveled in it. I’ve been trying for the last 2 years to figure out who I am, but I think I might have just been denying it rather than ignorant to it.
Today I’m taking it all in, sitting on my parents’ porch in South Carolina yet again (sometimes you just need to see your parents, and sometimes they just need to see you) with the family cat that hates me. I’m counting my blessings and working on a mental list of things that just make me happy right now, because a girl always needs it in her back pocket.
What’s on your list these days?