#262; Doubt is a pain too lonely

…to know that faith is his twin brother. – Khalil Gibran

We’ve had some beautiful weather here in Boston over the last few days, and so I’m going to try to cheer up the mood around here.

Being totally honest, it’s been difficult lately to count my blessings, but I’m working on it.

In early December my Grandmother – the matriarch of our sprawling, Boston, Irish family, the bright-side-seeker, the believer in Santa and Mickey Mouse – fell very ill. Nana passed away on January 31st, and it is the first time in my adult life I’ve had to truly say goodbye to a loved one.

In this time, I’ve seen more family than I have since I was 16 (when my Grandpa, Nana’s husband of many decades, passed away), had to lean on my friends for support (something that doesn’t come naturally or easily to me), and come to many conclusions about myself and my relationships. And so, now, I’m going to count my blessings. And I’m going to breath deeply. And I’m going to get better at this.

  • I have a family that is loud, and funny, and passionate. They tell ridiculous stories too many times and love fiercely and no matter what they are family, something they will remind you about when you least expect it.
  • I have a brother and SIL and their four kids who are witty and unique and who keep all of us on our toes. They keep us young. And I have parents who, in my old age, have become two of my best friends. We are each others’ teachers, sounding boards, confidants, buddies, debate rivals, and comfort. I cannot imagine having any other sort of relationship with them.
  • I have a relationship that is open and growing and thoughtful. My boyfriend, Piece, gives me the sort of support I never knew I needed but now cannot imagine living without. Peace of mind, courage, and faith are only some of the qualities he’s brought to my life in the last year, and I’m always searching for ways to show him how much that means to me.
  • I have long-distance friends who would drop everything to spend a weekend here in the still-relatively-cold North, despite having busy lives of their own hundreds of miles away. Two of them did just that this weekend.
  • I have a burgeoning social and professional life here in Boston, which I’m still working on but which is gaining strength daily. Thanks to the patience of Chef and the openness of the YDM, I’m slowly but surely finding my place here.
  • Beyond the people in my life, I’ve got a job I can count on, in a field I care about. I have a great roster of social and political groups to keep me busy, a neighborhood I fall more in love with every day, and a cat who’s grumpiness makes me smile.

I’m still working at it. The transition from life in the South to life in the North has been the hardest transition of my life (and I’ve lived some strange places!) but I truly believe it is all worth it in the end. I have faith in Boston, and in the life I’m going to lead here, and I’d say that belief is a blessing in itself and a great place to start.

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